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I used to think it wasn’t possible to mourn something you’ve never had...
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kai

August 2021

Princess Penelope And The Stupid Wolf
A Fairy Tale For Fucking Grownups
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kai
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Demand Letter For Refund Of Security Deposit Due To The Apocalypse
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kai

July 2021

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became A Vampire
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kai

January 2021

Have you ever heard a Dalmatian bark?
I just dreamt that I was showing David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson a YouTube video where this guy was onstage playing violin with Michael…
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kai

July 2020

“She keeps telling us you’re taking her to Texas.”
“Texas?” I almost laughed and cried at the same time. I was standing in a hallway, somberly chatting with the weary-yet-hopeful nurse on…
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kai
13 Ways To Make Home Feel Like The Bar During Quarantine
Depressed that bars are still closed due to a global pandemic? Feeling constrained by the smothering oppression of a fully stocked pantry…
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kai

April 2020

An American Werewolf On Twitter
A classic horror story for modern times
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kai

March 2019

8 Tips for Dating a Comedian (Besides ‘Don’t’)
So you’ve met someone who makes you laugh
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kai

February 2019

10 Romantic Places To Cry On Valentine’s Day
Here are the best locales and strategies to make strangers uncomfortable this Valentine’s Day — no matter your style or budget!
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kai

December 2018

April 2018

Calling Your Ugly Baby “Cute” Is An Insult To Dogs Everywhere
So you had a baby. Up until now you’ve clothed him. You’ve received books and dolls and other toys for him in exchange for currency even…
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kai
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