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I used to think it wasn’t possible to mourn something you’ve never had...
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kai
August 2021
Princess Penelope And The Stupid Wolf
A Fairy Tale For Fucking Grownups
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kai
1
Demand Letter For Refund Of Security Deposit Due To The Apocalypse
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kai
July 2021
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became A Vampire
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kai
January 2021
Have you ever heard a Dalmatian bark?
I just dreamt that I was showing David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson a YouTube video where this guy was onstage playing violin with Michael…
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kai
July 2020
“She keeps telling us you’re taking her to Texas.”
“Texas?” I almost laughed and cried at the same time. I was standing in a hallway, somberly chatting with the weary-yet-hopeful nurse on…
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kai
13 Ways To Make Home Feel Like The Bar During Quarantine
Depressed that bars are still closed due to a global pandemic? Feeling constrained by the smothering oppression of a fully stocked pantry…
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kai
April 2020
An American Werewolf On Twitter
A classic horror story for modern times
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kai
March 2019
8 Tips for Dating a Comedian (Besides ‘Don’t’)
So you’ve met someone who makes you laugh
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kai
February 2019
10 Romantic Places To Cry On Valentine’s Day
Here are the best locales and strategies to make strangers uncomfortable this Valentine’s Day — no matter your style or budget!
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kai
December 2018
April 2018
Calling Your Ugly Baby “Cute” Is An Insult To Dogs Everywhere
So you had a baby. Up until now you’ve clothed him. You’ve received books and dolls and other toys for him in exchange for currency even…
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kai
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